Is It Wrong To Show Up At A Wedding Or A Baby Shower With No Gift?
I’m getting married next month, and hadn’t really thought too much about gifts, as people are giving me lots of cash before the wedding.
But I AM invited to a baby shower + just attended a wedding (of which I was in)…all before my wedding.
I would never think about showing up without a gift, but many people do. It is the source of some wild gossip amongst my friends.
What is your opinion? Is it proper to show up sans gift to a bridal shower, baby shower, or wedding?
Showers and wedding are different in my book. I wouldn’t go to a shower without a gift because really, showers are basically centered on the gifts and to me it would be strange to go without one. Weddings on the other hand can be different. Sometimes I send the gift well in advance because it can be easier for the couple to manage one gift than 50 in one day. I also sometimes go to the wedding without a gift if say I am traveling, wherein a gift is hard to bring(then I send it either earlier or later in the mail), or if I know the couple is leaving on their honeymoon straightaway, where they will have a hard time dealing with the mass overflow of gifts. The only gift I usually give day of is money, which is rare unless I know the couple needs it. I think that gossiping over the lack of a gift is in really poor taste and shows that the wedding or shower was only a gift grab. One should be grateful for the presence of their guests and for any gifts they may have received. Whining and gossiping over the lack of gifts really speaks to one’s maturity level and intentions.
As indicated by the title – when you agree to attend a bridal or a baby shower – a gift is expected. The entire purpose of the party is to “shower” the bride / new mother with gifts. To come to a shower without a gift is highly irregular … and rather curious ??
As for a wedding – although it is traditional and of good etiquette to give a gift to the bride and groom, it is still up to the guest whether or not they would like to give one. Also – many people elect not to bring their gift to the reception, and may take up to three months following the wedding to visit the bride and groom, and bring their gift at that time.
A simple way to break it down is that a Wedding is a celebration hosted by the bride/groom, and if you choose to bring a gift, you may – but gifts are not strictly necessary. A shower is an occasion, where a gift of some sort is expected, as it is the reason for the occasion.
I think it’s rude not to a bring a gift to either, especially the baby shower. At least for a wedding there is an opportunity to give a gift beforehand at the bridal shower. but as for a baby shower, the whole point it for the mother-to-be to receive gifts. There’s no point in going as a guest if you’re not going to make the effort to bring something. You are suposed to be showering her with gifts, hence the “baby shower” title.
It is my understanding that you are always to give a gift at a shower. You’re even supposed to send one if you don’t attend but were invited. (Which honestly, I don’t really get- I can’t be there but my gift is still required?)
As for the wedding itself, you’re actually supposed to send gifts to the home of the bride (or her parents if she still lives at home) before the wedding. You’re not supposed to bring gifts to the reception.
My personal opinion is that a gift is optional-regardless of the occasion. No one is ever required to give a gift and I never expect to receive one. I’m thankful when I get one and try to spread the wealth by giving to others but I think it’s completely up to you and what you’re comfortable with. Some people may disagree, but that’s just my opinion.
I think it is kind of weird to show up without a gift. They say that you should give the bride and groom at least what they are paying for you to eat. In some cases that is a lot though. I would never go to a wedding and not bring a gift. Put $10 in a card and call it good if you can’t afford it, or even just a card. I got a couple of those. The cards are nice also because you remember who was there and that they where thinking of you on your special day.
I don’t know. It really depends on people’s financial situations. But I think some one could afford some thing under 10 bucks. I wouldn’t go without a gift. But you never know, they could show up to the shower for support and have already given the couple a gift.
I gave baby gifts before the shower before.
it depends on how well you know the person. Or you can get them a card or something small. I usually try not to go empty handed, if it can be helped. A small gift or card is pretty decent if you don’t really know the person.
Its wrong to show up without a gift. If you do not intend to “shower” the guest of honor, then you can simply decline the invitation.
yes, you should always bring a gift to show yer apreciaation to the bride, groom, or mother to be.
But if you didn’t bring one, whatever
bring a card and make a homemade coupon good for one dinner out with you for the couple or mother to be then they can cash it in later when you have more money and you can take them somewhere nice
This is my personal PET PEEVE. How does anyone know who gives what? Someone could have presented the honoree with an envelope stuffed with cash, or a generous check.
Not a legit subject among ‘ friends’… Congrats on your wedding!
I would never show up to a shower or wedding without a gift. If I couldn’t afford it, I would send my regrets and not show at all, so someone isn’t spending money on me.
A gift is a requirement at a shower. If we go way back to the 1900s, before The Wedding Industry got busy corrupting the traditions, a shower was a very casual party that was spontaneously created by acquaintances of the couple, not something engineered into existance by hapless bridesmaids “mining” the wedding guest list for people from whom to extract extra gifts. Traditionally guests were people who wanted to help the couple, but mostly would not be attending the wedding such as the bowling league, childhood neighbors, or coworkers. Your “admission price” of a gift got you silly games, cookies and punch, and a chance to win The Grand Prize at the end of the party.
Over the years The Bridal Industy has somewhat transformed the shower into an entitlement, so that even where there is no group of acquaintance eager to shower the bride with gifts, a shower is nonetheless is expected. This has gone so far that the old rule against inviting wedding guests to the shower (excepting those very close to the couple who ASK to be invited) has been nearly forgotten, and some people are convinced that the only correct thing is to invite guests to either both or neither. As a traditionalist, I am happy to see guests recognizing “Why this isn’t a shower at all, this is a bridal luncheon. I suppose someone is CALLING it a shower in the hopes of getting gifts and I’ll not be a party to their greedy bad manners.” However, I would be even happier if people would simply decline the invitation, subtly letting it be known “I’m already going to the wedding. Enough is enough.”
Getting married does not confer any entitlement to gifts, not even from people who attend your wedding ceremony and/or reception. In terms of etiquette all that is required is a letter of congratulations, a prompt response to any invitations, and (if attending the reception) a letter thanking the hosts for the nice party. It has become very usual for reception guests to say thank you with a gift instead of a letter, but it is not required.
Miss Manners advises us to send wedding gifts either before the wedding or after the honeymoon. Hosts have enough to do with the burden of accepting gifts, guarding against theft, keeping track of who gave what, and schlepping the stuff home.