Family time is crucial for children. Learn the importance of family time in this free video series about keeping your kids mentally and physically healthy. Expert: Denise Urban Bio: Denise Urban has a bachelor’s degree in psychology and two master’s degrees. She has been both a stay-at-home mom for five years and also a working mom. Filmmaker: Travis Waack

Handling a toddler night terror is a scary experience because a child doesn’t ever remember having it. Learn how to handle toddler night terrors with expert tips from a licensed psychotherapist in this free video about early childhood development. Expert: Donna Williams, PhD Contact: www.parentguide.com Bio: Donna Williams is a Licensed Psychotherapist, and she has her PhD in Early Childhood Education and Development, a BA in psychology and an MA in Counseling Education. Filmmaker: Christopher Rokosz

The non-custodial or part-time parent faces many challenges that aren’t the norm in a dual-parent family. These hardly need itemizing; any of you can identify with the strains of not seeing your children for several days at a time, and then facing an almost overwhelming few days of intensive time with them, followed by days of missing them all over again. But when you stop to think about it, single parenthood can also bring with it a number of possible advantages — both to you and to your children. When parents split, kids may feel that they’ve “gained a parent” who previously seemed forever too busy to spend quality time with them. Many single dads we talked to agreed that they actually feel closer to their children now, and that they believe their children feel the same bond. Without the kids at home every day of the week, single parents feel more at ease in putting in extra hours at work, thereby relieving the stress of “falling behind,” and therefore making it possible to dedicate 100% of their time with the children to the children.

Successful Co-Parenting: If you’re considering a vacation or major purchase for your child(ren), you should first discuss it with your ex. If you can agree that the proposed trip or item is something you would have done as a couple (in your better days together), then it’s a reasonable thing to plan as a single parent. There may be all sorts of reasons why your ex may not agree with you on a particular plan, and these reasons might not be entirely unbiased. Your ex might feel a great deal of resentment that you’re able to afford “such a luxury” when he or she is struggling just to make ends meet. Each situation is unique, and in the end you’ll have to make your own decision, but at least you must ask for and seriously consider the other parent’s concerns. Child psychologist Philippe Barrette suggests that you “always look at things through the child’s eyes. Never place a child in a position of feeling pulled between parents, or of having to choose one over the other.” While a new set of ski equipment (for example) wouldn’t under normal circumstances be the basis of such a tug-of-war situation, it could be made disruptive, either intentionally or unintentionally, if the other parent can’t provide a similar gift. If you’ve always been seen by your children as handing out presents while your ex is handing out discipline, it may make you feel good, but it’s not a balanced or healthy situation for the children. It can also put your former partner in a compromising position, says Alan Frankel, a New York-area psychotherapist and divorce mediator. “The custodial parent feels like they always have to do all of the hard work while the other parent has non-stop fun with the kids,” he points out. Receiving gifts for no apparent reason can actually be a problem for your kids — they may wonder whether you are trying to bribe them or buy their love. “Children with divorced parents are prone to wonder about the purpose of gift giving, especially if it is unexpected and ‘undeserved’,” note Jennifer Lewis, M.D., and William Sammons, M.D., in Don’t Divorce Your Children: Children and Their Parents Talk About Divorce (Contemporary Books, 1999). “Children do not want gifts as substitutes for time together, [or] gifts without an apology if used as a way to assuage your guilt. They do not want gifts that will upset the other parent — the bike Mom was going to get them, the skiis Dads has been saving up for.” The bottom line is that your children want the gifts of time, reliability, and affection from you — and these gifts are irreplaceable.

Be Consistent: Another strong need for kids is consistency in their relationship with you — and with their other parent, of course. Try to reach an agreement with your ex on such things as unacceptable behavior (e.g. use of profanity), rules, boundaries, and discipline. If you and your ex can’t agree, at least make sure that during each visit you’re consistent: “no” always means “no”; good behavior is rewarded and bad punished in pretty much the same way each time and for each child. As much as possible, you should try to do things in their community, even if that means some extra travel or inconvenience for you. And you should try to keep things as “normal” as they were before your separation. Taking your son to his piano lesson might seem like just about the worst way you could spend your precious time with him, but it’s something he’ll appreciate and remember you for. There’s also a lot that the non-custodial parent can do to get involved with the school, says Dr. Lois Nightengale, a clinical psychologist and the author of My Parents Still Love Me Even Though They’re Getting Divorced (Nightengale Rose Publications): “Make a special parent-teacher appointment with the teacher each semester,” she says. “Ask if you can drive on the field trips. Be known at the school so that you know what’s going on.” Ask your child’s school to mail copies of the calendar and report cards to both parents to keep you “in the loop.” Keep the lines open It’s also important to your children to know that they can talk to you whenever they want; that you’ll be there for them when they need you or want to tell you something special — like getting an “A” in math. “You don’t have to have anything brilliant to say,” says Frankel. “Just talk to them about how they’re doing — how their day was.” Set up some good times for your kids to call you, and arrange to call them at least once a week. And if you promised to call at 7 p.m. every Wednesday, then you’d darned well better call at 7 p.m. sharp every Wednesday, or have called in advance to explain why this week’s schedule had to be changed.

Special Situations: If your separation/divorce has been hostile, you’ll be facing special challenges in maintaining a close relationship with your children. This is where negotiating a very detailed parenting agreement as part of your separation agreement is of utmost importance. The agreement should spell out exactly when phone calls will be exchanged, that letters will be written and delivered according to a specific schedule (once each week, for instance), and that fax requests to-and-fro will be honored. Isolina Ricci, Ph.D., the author of Mom’s House, Dad’s House: Making Two Homes for Your Child (Simon & Schuster, 1997) suggests that you start to think of your ex as a business partner: your partner in parenting. “Try thinking of your parenting relationship in this way. You and the children’s other parent are just starting to do business together. Each of you must earn a good name for yourself,” Dr. Ricci points out. “The better you get at having a business relationship with your partner in parenting, the better your children will do. It is a simple and as difficult as that.” You may also want or need to arrange for a “neutral ground” place to pick up and drop off the children and perhaps a “neutral person,” too. Fifty years ago, in our relatively more close-knit society, a nearby parent or grandparent could be called upon for this role. But in today’s more insular and geographically scattered society, there’s often not a nearby and willing relative. So for many separated parents, day-care centers have become the obvious spot for “holding” kids for pick up and drop off. Parents can also create a neutral period of time to help children adjust by picking them up at school at the end of the day on Friday and taking them back to school first thing Monday morning. Another sticky situation is what to do if your child has badly misbehaved shortly before your pickup time. If it weren’t for your visit with them, your ex would be grounding them for the day. Dr. Barrette recommends that bad behavior in one house bears the consequences in that house — but the punishment should never be at the expense of the other parent. In our example, the child should be grounded by your ex upon the child’s return. Under no circumstance should you discuss (except to reinforce) your ex’s authority or parenting style through your children! Talk to your ex directly and privately; never use a child (no matter what age) as a “sounding board” or “messenger.” “Children should not be the recipients of any residual anger you have towards the other parent,” says Dr. Nightingale. “If you have anger, go vent it with a friend, or see a therapist.”

Use Common Sense: Part-time parenting is mostly a matter of putting your good common sense into practice: doing all things in moderation; reaching an appropriate balance of discipline and freedom, between homework or errands and pure playtime; and helping to instill your values in your children through example. When deciding what to do with your kids, resist the urge to be their entertainment director. Consult with each of them, perhaps during your Wednesday phone-call, about what they want to do, and then try to work out a compromise for all involved — while guided by your common-sense bounds of normalcy. Of course you’ll also need to stay within your budget, and make sure that the plan is age-appropriate. As a general rule of thumb, experts agree that younger children (ten and under) tend to prefer frequent visits with their “other” parent, even if this means that each visit is short, whereas children over ten prefer longer visits (e.g. of several days), even if that means that the visits are less frequent. Whenever possible, you should consider these preferences as you schedule your time with your kids and with your ex. For example, a two-week-long camping trip with your teenagers in the summer holidays would likely be terrific for them and for you. (Of course, get their well-formed opinions before booking the campsite!) And at any age, being there for their birthday if at all possible scores high on the bonding scale.

Food | Gift | Relationship

Shot by Bob. 1 of 3

Buying baby clothing can be tricky business, especially for first time mums, there are so many baby dresses and outfits to choose from! I know I had a difficult time and made some blunders with my purchases along the way. Take advice from the guide below there are plenty of tips from mums on ‘how to buy baby clothing’ successfully.

1) What kind of baby clothing will I need?

Buying baby clothing can be a boggling experience, as your bump grows you will probably start to panic – ‘I don’t have any baby clothes!’ You will probably do what I did and start wandering around all the stores that sell baby clothes, baby furniture, baby gifts and so on. The choice is endless, this is where the danger lies in buying too many clothes for baby.

Too many baby clothes means your baby will only wear them once or twice (or sometimes not at all), babies grow very quickly and the next size up in that special outfit is needed before you know it! Leaving you with the cutest outfits ever, but no VALUE FOR MONEY.

The ideal way to buy baby clothing is to make sure you have enough outfits to get you through the week in a couple of different sizes, but not so many that you have overflowing drawers of baby outfits that haven’t even been unwrapped before your baby gets too big to wear them; or duplicate clothing that you didn’t really need.

Well, to be fair, duplicate baby clothing isn’t that big of any issue really, especially in the early days when baby clothes can only be worn once and usually for a couple of hours and all clothing needs to be continually washed and washed! In the early days make sure you have numerous baby dresses, bodysuits, comfortable playgro suits, and sleeping suits, basic tees, comfortable cotton pants, warm cardigans and coats or sunhats, depending on the season.

Before you buy new baby clothes check what time of the year your baby will be born, it could be around sale time, which is the best time to buy bulk lots of newborn baby clothing that you are going to need.

Once all of the confusion has settled you will have an exciting time buying your first newborn baby clothes, it is much more fun than buying clothes for yourself (honestly) – and then in time you will be having more fun when your baby grows out of that first lot of clothes, you will find yourself a more experienced shopper in the baby clothing department.

Sizes of Baby Clothing:

Sizes of baby clothing vary from manufacturer to manufacturer so we haven’t listed a definitive sizing guide here. Newborn sizes generally start from 0000 but this is actually quite a small size and unless you have a smaller than average baby, you might only get a month or two from this size. The best advice is to pre-buy in size 000 and then buy extra supplies in the 0000 size if you need to after the birth. Check labels for weight and height guidelines before you buy (average birth weight is 3.5kg). baby clothing tips

What to look for when Buying Baby Clothes:

wide necks, or easy fastenings to get clothes over baby’s neck easily

fastenings to enable you to remove and change a nappy without completely undressing baby

snaps / press-studs are easy, safer and quicker than buttons

no rough seams or uncomfortable material – natural, cotton, etc, is best

machine washable

check that buttons are sewn on well (baby could choke on little buttons)

no loose threads that little fingers or toes could get caught in

avoid ribbons and strings that babies can wrap around their necks

Hopefully this comprehensive guide to baby your babies first clothes has been helpful to you! Remember, don’t rush in a buy too many clothes before your baby is born, you can always buy more of the garments you need after the arrival of your newborn.

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